Whoring Myself to the Masses (Who Read My Blog)

October 26, 2008

After two and a half years, I’m finally making use of my YouTube account. I’m indulging in my newest hobby of making inappropriate soundtracks; putting music and audio to movie scenes in a humorous manner and thereby, belittling the hard work of hundreds of people. It’s a nice break from my job and from writing while still being creative and analyzing pace, content and structure. Honestly, I can see myself doing this for awhile… that is, until YouTube feels that I am infringing on copyright and shuts down my account.

To see the fruits of my labor, click on the following links. (The links are to the high resolution versions of the videos, but if you’d rather watch the low resolution, click on the “normal version” option under the video.)

The Matrix

The Elephant Man

Star Wars: A New Hope

The Empire Strikes Back

Return of the Jedi

Batman Begins

Close Encounters of the Third Kind

I have many more movies in the pipeline, including The Fugitive, The Godfather, A Clockwork Orange, The Shining and Titanic. If you like these (and why wouldn’t you?), please send these links to your friends. Or just direct them to my “channel” here.

You could say that I’m just whoring myself for needless attention, but I say I’m networking.


Inappropriate Soundtracks

October 21, 2008

There’s a semi-subculture on the internet dedicated to making what are called “inappropriate soundtracks”. Basically, you take a clip from a movie and replace the background music with something totally inappropriate to the scene.

“Like a music video, right?”
No, not really. Basically, an inappropriate soundtrack tries to elicit a reaction that’s contradictory to the intended feeling of a specific scene from a film through juxtaposition of music and video content, all the while making it appear that the music is part of the film’s actual sound mix. Playing editor god, so to speak.

A good use of an “inappropriate soundtrack” will have the content of the song match the video, yet strike a completely wrong tone. Likewise, the two can have similar tonal approaches, but the content of the song expresses the exact opposite of the actions in the video. Also, it should be fairly (if not highly) offensive, but that’s a not a requirement.

For an example, you can just watch the one I made recently….
[click here to see the recommended high quality version]

“Hey, wait a minute…. Was this post simply a roundabout way of showing off some stupid video you made the night before while giving no insightful content whatsoever?”
Yes. Yes, it was. If you’d like to register a complaint, please click [here].


October 13, 2008

It’s been awhile since I’ve been truly stoked to know that a comic or graphic novel is coming out, but this Halloween, Joker comes to town.

Joker is an upcoming hardcover graphic novel written by Brian Azzarello. The novel, as the title suggests, is a story that centers on Batman’s main foe and Gotham City’s favorite asshole, The Joker. Apparently, according to early reviews, it’s one of the most horrific and scary interpretations of The Joker ever, and that’s including Heath Ledger’s excellent film portrayal in The Dark Knight.
Just to hammer home the idea that this Joker is scary and completely nuts, here’s the cover….



If the art style looks familiar to anyone out there, that’s because it’s done by Lee Bermejo, the artist behind the covers to the Hellblazer comic series. However, if you like Keanu Reeves more than you do quality entertainment, you might know Hellblazer as that book that the film Constantine was “based” on.

Funny story: The artist and the writer of Joker developed their interpretation of the titular villain to be menacing and ugly (inside and out) and based it around the notion of “if he were real, how could you make him scary?” So they gave him a hunched posture, untamed his hair, dialed down his clothes and gave him a Glasgow smile. Hmm…. Why does that sound familiar?
Azzarello and Bermejo started development of Joker in 2005, and when they got to around page 40 of drawing the book, the first images of Heath Ledger’s Joker surfaced. I would’ve paid money to see their reaction to viewing it for the first time.

Anyway, the plot focuses on The Joker being released from Arkham Asylum (possibly for good behavior?) only to discover that Gotham City’s underworld has changed. Instead of the crime factions respecting each other’s turf, a gangland civil war is taking place between the mobsters and the costumed crazies. Because of all of the infighting amongst the different families, the cuts for all of the major crime bosses has dwindled. Refusing to accept the meager scraps that are handed to him, The Joker decides once and for all to destroy everyone and take it all for himself.
To make it more interesting, the whole story is told from the perspective of one of The Joker’s subordinates, who gives a first-hand account of The Joker’s descent into madn– well, further madness, I guess.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m stoked for it. A nice, scary, violent, insanely graphic, well-told Joker story just in time for Halloween. Color me tickled pink!

Remember, fellow writers: Editors are there to help you

October 12, 2008

Okay, so I lied about posting less YouTube videos. Sue me.

The Current Economic Downturn

October 11, 2008

The current economic crisis explained in 18 seconds….

And The Kids in the Hall have a different take….

Yes, okay, I know I’ve been pretty heavy on the YouTube crap. Believe me, I know. I’ll get to work soon and actually have something to write about in the near future. But for now, enjoy the videos.

Romance of the e-Kingdoms

October 9, 2008

A friend of mine suggested the other day that I write about my recent adventures in exploring a new genre of book that I have not previously been familiar with. The genre that I’m speaking about is erotic romance. This friend is currently writing a romance story herself and she allowed me to edit parts of it — juicy bits and all. In reading her work, it piqued my interest,… so I went exploring. This is my opinion.

Before I give you my opinion, however, I think I should warn my reading public (all two of you) that in order to tell you my thoughts, I have to divulge personal information. Information you may feel better off not knowing. Stuff that may make you look twice at me and perhaps, never the same way again. That said, here’s what I think….

This shit is driving me crazy. I’m not very — how should I put this? — familiar with carnal pleasures (or for the tactless, porking). I know. Big shock, right? Anyway, I’m at a huge disadvantage in reading this material. When the story gets to the sex positions and the tactility and….
Look, from my perspective, reading some of this stuff is like finding a scroll written in an alien language, then translating it and discovering that all you did was translate a riddle that you then have to go solve, putting you back at square one.

I have nothing against the genre. I enjoy the characters, I like the plot lines (sometimes), the pacing can be quite good, the emotional investment is there. It’s just that when it gets to the sex scenes, it might as well be written in Esperanto. My brain shuts down and I stare at the pages like I’m a dog looking at a ceiling fan. Granted, some of it’s titillating, sure, but that just makes it harder for me to get through. (Heh, hard.)

I don’t know. Perhaps I’m not giving it a fair shake. Maybe when I’ve been more learned in the wants and needs of the better sex, I could appreciate and understand it more. One thing is clear, however — this is not for me. I can’t do this. My area is comedy (although you wouldn’t know it from reading what I write). Perhaps if there was a market for the farcical, satirical, comedic, erotic romance genre, I could maybe do it. Maybe.

A New Low

October 6, 2008

Have you seen the latest attack ad that John McCain has run against Barack Obama? No? Well, now you can! But the question is, do you want to?

McCain Claims Obama Supports Teaching Sex-Ed to Kindergartners.

Wow…. I mean, just…. Wow.

I didn’t think I’d ever see an actual, serious political ad like that, did you? It feels like it should be in a sketch for a comedy show, doesn’t it? I would imagine that’s got to be a new low in fabricating nonsense and twisting the truth in a political attack ad… at least in this election, that is.

If you ask me, this latest ad from McCain is at least as despicably low as the “Daisy H-Bomb” ad that Johnson ran against Goldwater in ’64, or the “wolves” ad that Bush ran in ’04. However, due to McCain’s ad looking so banal and ordinary and just like every other quickly-produced attack ad, it might not be remembered beyond this election, if at all.

Now while the “sexy Kindergartners” ad (that’s what I’m calling it) isn’t as high in production value as some other ads, the message is still pretty clear: “John McCain is racist and sexist.”
No, wait… that’s not it. The message is that regardless of your political affiliation, you have to admit that, at this point, McCain’s camp is just grasping at straws.

But all of this begs the quesiton: If McCain has already gone this far, why not just say that Obama kicks puppies and eats kittens?
C’mon and get with it, McCain! You’ve crossed a line — might as well have fun with it. Just grow a sack and say that Obama spends his evenings taking mescaline, dressing up like a clown and murdering orphans in their sleep.

Now THAT’S what I call political discourse!