…And I refuse to apologize.

During this past week at work, for some bizarre reason, I kept getting awful songs stuck in my head. I mean, really, REALLY awful songs. I’m talking pants-crappingly stupid songs that go in your ear, enter your skull, burrow deep into your cerebral cortex, lay eggs and then hatch their dumblings, who then devour your brain from the inside out.

“So you heard these songs on the radio and they got stuck in your head all day?” I hear you ask.
No. Inexplicably, these songs were already in my head from God-only-knows when or how. They appeared with absolutely no provocation and they refused to get out. Not only that, but the songs kept popping up in my head at inappropriate times and they wouldn’t stop playing in my mind until they completely killed my frontal lobe and ate the backs of my eyeballs.

And because misery loves company, I’m going to subject these terrible songs onto you, my reading public. So enjoy. Or don’t.

I hope this was as of a complete waste of your time as it was mine. And I refuse to apologize for inflicting any lasting brain damage.


3 Responses to …And I refuse to apologize.

  1. Pagesmith says:

    Hey, you could do worse than to come home from work (again) to find Sheena Easton (circa nineteen-eighty-something) waiting for you.

    But, you singing “Sunshine and Lollipops”… is actually not the stretch I thought it would be.

    Now, if you had Marilyn Manson listed here, I’d worry that the writing group really was getting to you.

    And Cher is like snow on pre-digital televisions: a little bit is inevitable.

  2. Boone says:

    About Sheena Easton: A valid point, but if she started singing that song, then I don’t think I could be held accountable for my actions. Now if she started belting out “Strut”, that could be a different story.
    On second thought, perhaps it’d be best if she didn’t say anything at all when I came home.

    About “Sunshine…”: I actually started singing that at work uncontrollably and drove a co-worker nuts. She wanted to strangle me.
    It’s one of those songs that’s so awful it’s kind of hard to outright hate. It’s campy and painfully delightful, but far from likable — kind of like that recording of dogs barking “Jingle Bells.”

    As for Cher, another (male) co-worker and I imitate her just to bug everyone else. Personal favorite to drive everyone nuts: “Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves.”

  3. Darby says:

    That Cher song was the worst of all. As you pointed out, “Sunshine” has some camp value, but Cher’s number has lyrics that are, at best, pointless, and at worst, mind-drillingly redundant and unapologetically elementary.

    Plus, what the hell is she doing on a battleship with a bunch of “heterosexual” seamen hopping around her, while she prances around in clothes not only inappropriate for her age and general position in life, but also inappropriate for anyone who isn’t Borat?

    There should be a term for this inexplicable infection of mind with vapid song. If only we still had the show Seinfeld to coin the phrase for us. Or maybe Colbert could cover it in his Report.

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