A friend of mine suggested the other day that I write about my recent adventures in exploring a new genre of book that I have not previously been familiar with. The genre that I’m speaking about is erotic romance. This friend is currently writing a romance story herself and she allowed me to edit parts of it — juicy bits and all. In reading her work, it piqued my interest,… so I went exploring. This is my opinion.
Before I give you my opinion, however, I think I should warn my reading public (all two of you) that in order to tell you my thoughts, I have to divulge personal information. Information you may feel better off not knowing. Stuff that may make you look twice at me and perhaps, never the same way again. That said, here’s what I think….
This shit is driving me crazy. I’m not very — how should I put this? — familiar with carnal pleasures (or for the tactless, porking). I know. Big shock, right? Anyway, I’m at a huge disadvantage in reading this material. When the story gets to the sex positions and the tactility and….
Look, from my perspective, reading some of this stuff is like finding a scroll written in an alien language, then translating it and discovering that all you did was translate a riddle that you then have to go solve, putting you back at square one.
I have nothing against the genre. I enjoy the characters, I like the plot lines (sometimes), the pacing can be quite good, the emotional investment is there. It’s just that when it gets to the sex scenes, it might as well be written in Esperanto. My brain shuts down and I stare at the pages like I’m a dog looking at a ceiling fan. Granted, some of it’s titillating, sure, but that just makes it harder for me to get through. (Heh, hard.)
I don’t know. Perhaps I’m not giving it a fair shake. Maybe when I’ve been more learned in the wants and needs of the better sex, I could appreciate and understand it more. One thing is clear, however — this is not for me. I can’t do this. My area is comedy (although you wouldn’t know it from reading what I write). Perhaps if there was a market for the farcical, satirical, comedic, erotic romance genre, I could maybe do it. Maybe.