The Cast of Bambi 2 Talk Shop

May 25, 2009

Constructive Criticism on Political Discourse

May 24, 2009

WARNING: Everything wrong with the internet, but specifically YouTube, is contained in this video. If you have a weak constitution, please avert your eyes.

I have some advice for the young lady featured in this video….
When making a YouTube video about your opinions concerning political figures, at least have the foresight and common decency to WIPE THE GODDAMN CLOWN MAKEUP OFF YOUR FACE FIRST. That way you’ll give others a chance — even if it’s a split second — of mistaking you for someone who has a knowledgeable perspective. (Actually listening to you, however, dashes all hope of that entirely.)

Also, another tip, if I may…. Starting off your rant with, “I’m not a racist, BUT…,” automatically means you’re racist. By acknowledging a separation in race first and foremost — even when you think you have good intentions — makes you a racist. There’s no going back from that. Not even saying “I have friends who are [the race you are hating on], so I’m obviously not a racist,” will help. You view and define people by their ethnicity, and therefore, are biased, to say the least, and unable to give objective opinions.

Finally, I know this is an on-the-spot vlog (video blog) entry, so there’s an air of spontaneity to this — I understand that. But did you stop and think for one second about what you were going to say before you started talking? Coming to (illogical) conclusions about your political opinions and broadcasting them on the internet should have SOME premeditation to it. Hell, videotaping yourself doing ANYTHING and uploading it on the most popular video sharing site on the planet should be thought out to some degree, infinitesimal as it may be.

Family members are going to see this. Co-workers are going to see this. Your boss is going to see this. Your former pastor is going to see this. Or current pastor… or rabbi…? Whatever, whoever. The point is this….

Is this how you want to be remembered — wearing cat makeup and mass-broadcasting your semi-racist gibberish on YouTube with the only apparent conceit of your vlog being to prove how clueless you are? Unless your endgame was to compete for the Dumbest Twat to Ever Spout Nonsense On YouTube award, I don’t even see the point in you making this video. Next time, THINK a little before you put garbage on YouTube.

To anyone who comes here and says, “Leave her alone. She’s young and stupid and doesn’t know any better,” I have this to say: If you’re old enough to get a webcam, videotape yourself and upload it on YouTube, you’re fair game. Period. Besides, I’m just trying to help her out.

Montana’s Advertising

May 12, 2009

While I was at Union Station a couple days ago, I saw a poster advertising Montana… for vacationing reasons, I suppose. If you’d like to see the poster yourself, it’s hanging over the escalators at the Adams Street entrance. For those who can’t come to Chicago’s Union Station just to see a stupid poster, I’ll describe it to you.

The poster is of an idyllic scene in the middle of a wooded glen; a buffalo drinks from a river undisturbed as the sun slowly sets behind the creature. Words off to the side of the image say:

CON: Not many people come here.
PRO: Not many people come here.

I guess you could say it’s clever, but if you want to target Chicagoans, you’re going about it the wrong way, Imaginary Marketing Person whom I am pretending to direct this blog post to. If you want my opinion — and you do — I think you should gear your marketing more towards what Chicagoans would love most about Montana. Here’s what I propose for the poster instead:


Much better, don’t you think? Watch the tourism skyrocket with this baby in place.


If it was 1996, this would’ve been the proposed poster: [click here]

I Met Terry Jones

May 11, 2009

I met Terry Jones of Monty Python fame this weekend.


I sold him a new car. He was very grateful for the good deal I was able to get him.

But seriously, this past Mother’s Day (Hi, Mom!) I went to a comedy writing seminar/interview session with Terry Jones, one of the writers and performers for Monty Python and director of all of their movies. He talked about his theories on writing comedy and the audience got to ask him questions. Of course I partook in the action….

ME: “First of all, I just want to say that besides Carol Cleveland, you were the best woman on Monty Python.”
TERRY: [closes his eyes, bows his head and crosses his legs] “Why, thank you.”
[audience laughs]
ME: “Given the ‘questionable’ content of some of Monty Python’s material, especially Life of Brian and Meaning of Life, did you or the group in general have an internal barometer — or at least discussions while writing — to question whether what you were writing was funny or just profane for the sake of being shocking?”

He went on to say that they (himself especially) never analyzed what they were doing; they basically just wrote to be funny. (“You don’t know if a joke is funny or not until you put it out there.”) They gave their individual ideas to the group and if the jokes weren’t working, they scrapped them. He then said that they never found anything that they didn’t think they could make funny.

Overall, a pretty good weekend and decently informative. I leave you with his advice on how to break into the writing industry….

“Be luckier.”

Why am I short of attention?

May 7, 2009

Pop songs are based around melodic hooks and uncomplicated lyrics that easily get stuck in your head. When a pop song is outside of the periphery of regular listening and someone is exposed to it through random radio surfing and its use in commercials and movies, that person won’t remember how the entire song goes. Average listeners will only know the hooks, the chorus and random words.

Keeping this in mind, some guy out there decided to edit music videos to reflect only the parts of the song that he can remember. Have a looksie!

Okay, it’s out there and it’s stupid, but I laughed. Maybe you did, too…?


TRIVIA TIME: For the actual music video to “You Can Call Me Al,” Chevy Chase memorized the lyrics while on the way to the video shoot by listening to the song in the car. That’s how a professional gets it done.