Michael Jackson: 1958-2009

All right. I might lose friends over this, but it has to be done for posterity sake — news and pop culture is fickle and forgetful. If you’re easily offended, skip this post.

That said, let’s get it over with…

thriller

Today marks the first day that Michael Jackson has been stiff without a five year-old boy nearby.

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There will be a post-mortem today to determine what is to blame for Michael Jackson’s death:
A) Sunshine
B) Moonlight
C) Good Times
D) Boogie
[Click here if you don’t get it.]

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Turns out it was food poisoning that killed Michael Jackson. He ate an 8 year-old wiener.

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When Farrah Fawcett died, God granted her one wish: that all the world’s children will be safe. So then God immediately killed Michael Jackson.

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Walmart has decided to introduce a new sale for this summer to honor Michael Jackson: All boys pants half off.

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When Michael Jackson was first rushed to the hospital, it wasn’t because of a heart attack. He went to the pediatric ward for a stroke.

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Q: Why wasn’t Michael Jackson saved in time?
A: There were only two of Charlie’s Angels available.

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Michael Jackson’s ashes will be spread in a sandbox so that after his death, he’ll end up in little boys’ shorts.

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Michael Jackson went to his plastic surgeon and said, “Doctor, I was hoping you could make my skin whiter.” “Whiter?” said the doctor. “The only way you could get whiter is if you became a ghost.”  So then Michael went home and died.

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Q: What’s Hell to Michael Jackson?
A: Being surrounded by people that can grow pubic hair.

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Part of Michael Jackson’s contract with Pepsi stipulated that — because he was 99% plastic anyway — when he died, he would be melted down into Pepsi bottles. That way he could end up in childrens’ mouths.

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Okay. That’s it. I’m spent. Now I have to pack my bags and prepare for going to Hell. “SHAM ON!

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One Response to Michael Jackson: 1958-2009

  1. mspotter27 says:

    well, you can always get a job writing for D Letterman….

    How about E’s birthday on Friday at my house, answer please, Sm

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