The Apocalypse. Armageddon. The end of the world. Many people seem to believe that there will be indicators to signal that the end is nigh, particularly some Christians who dwell on the wackiest of Biblical scriptures, the Book of Revelations. Shepard Smith of FOX News thinks a certain food item is a sign of the Apocalypse.
But food never scared me (unless it was low-fat or — God forbid — vegan *shudders*). No, I feel a true indicator of the endtimes will be much more wide-spread and devastating than doughnut burgers made by trailer-trash hicks in Massachusetts. A real sign of the coming Apocalypse has to reach the entire world’s population, and it has to seem so awful that it can’t be real. It must be terrible enough that when you hear its mere mention, you’ll feel revulsion like you’ve never felt before.
I speak, of course, about the recent announcement that production has started on the sequel to Showgirls. Yes, THAT Showgirls. And in case you are in doubt of its validity, there’s a slickly-made website for it, complete with broken English (and nudity)!
Why, that introductory video was bloated, trashy and awful enough to almost seem like the real deal!
Honestly though, the director/writer must live inside his own ass to be that pompous over a fucking sequel to fucking Showgirls. Do me a favor and say it out loud, right now: Showgirls 2. Don’t you feel sick just saying it? Showgirls 2. *shudders again*
Question: Why? Who would want this? Haven’t we suffered enough? Do the filmmakers think they can actually improve the world by making this film? Everybody who has actually seen Showgirls felt like dying afterwards, so I’m sure the sequel will drive rational people to homicide. Or murder suicide.
The end is nigh — repent now. I, not being a religious man, will take up a new hobby: getting drunk.